is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
