i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The air was thick with penises
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
