dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
