How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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