so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
