tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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