She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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