Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
