I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
