There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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