First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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