so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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