i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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