I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
