i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
We smell like vodka and hangover
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