She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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