Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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