There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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