Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
