When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
