There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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