Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
