I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I am one with the molecules
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
