Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
