So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
