Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
