anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
