we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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