Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
