evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
