I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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