there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you never un-have a 4some
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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