the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
