i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
