ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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