On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
