The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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