i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
