Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
