I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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