I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
