I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
