Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
