I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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