Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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