New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
