He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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