RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
