The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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