You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
