we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
