end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
